Archive for March 31, 2008

From the “There’s a special spot in Hell for them” files

{ March 31, 2008 @ 6:57 pm } · { WTF, life in general, news, random }
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Scrolling through Engadget and Wired today I came across two stories that are just wrong.

First was about a 7 year old cancer patient who had his PSP, meds, homework and medical records stolen when his family was eating at a local restaurant before his chemo and the day before his birthday. OK, granted the guys who broke into their car couldn’t have known he was a cancer patient, but once you find out you nicked the belongings of a kid who gets toxic chemicals pumped into his body on a regular basis so he can live, you should at least drop the stuff in the mail or leave it at the doorstep of a local police station and run. Better yet, just turn yourself in and take your lashing like a man.

The second story was wrong in ways that I didn’t know wrong could be wrong. It was the sort of wrong that usually follows the phrase “Why yes, I’d love to upgrade my one way ticket to Hell to express with the complimentary kerosene shorts.” Hackers, normally people of some morals who prefer to attack large corporations or take on government entities just to prove it can be done, decided to attack an epilepsy support forum by posting brightly colored, flashing images all over the place causing many epileptic patients to seize up or have migraines. I don’t know who would be angry enough to attack a bunch of epileptics. Maybe they didn’t like that MTV wouldn’t play Gnarls Barkley’s new video Run. But I can’t see that as any reason to take it out on epileptics as a whole. They’re not smokers, they didn’t choose to be sensitive to brightly colored flashing images.

Good old Satan is going to have a time ass raping this lot of upstanding citizens.

McCain Girls mad that they’re getting mocked

{ March 31, 2008 @ 5:20 pm } · { WTF, dumb folks, media, news, politics, videos }
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You have to have seen it. The McCain Girl’s video has been spread through the internet like a plague. A plague that makes your ears bleed. A plague that makes gouging your eyes with a grapefruit spoon seem like a really, really good idea.

However, if you have been one of the fortunate few who have (mercifully) missed this video, I offer you the chance to make up for that by viewing it now. I suggest you remove small children and people with heart conditions from the room before hitting play.

Now that you’ve thoroughly lost your appetite for the next week or so, let’s talk about the response to this video.

You know, this is the internet, and on the internet, the only truly appropriate responses to this sort of thing are mockery and snarkiness. Oh sure, there were some mean spirited comments. But you have to admit, the video leaves itself open for it. First is the big scary black chick that is trying entirely too hard. Then there’s the old lady who thought wearing a green shirt in front of a green screen was a good idea. And lastly the “sexy young girl” who lip synced the entire time. Poorly.

Now, even the Obama/Guliani girls got a bit of jabbing their way and they were attractive and the girl singing for them could, well, sing. So certainly this messy hodge podge knew to expect some ribbing for their off key, poorly produced bit of schlock.  But, apparently, they didn’t. At least that’s the vibe I get from the black chick’s video response stating that she doesn’t care about people’s opinions (which, is kind of ironic because she’s responding to people’s opinions in a manner that shows that she’s obviously irritated…so…it kinda seems like she does care…but maybe that’s just my logic).

See? Doesn’t that just scream “Your responses bothered me”? I can’t be the only one who gets that vibe.

And she says there’s more to come. Which means that she’s ready to be ridiculed more. Good for her, I say. That’s the spirit. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and all that good stuff. Plus it’ll give me something to laugh at when I’m feeling a bit down. :p

The Problem Of Finding Old Flames

{ March 31, 2008 @ 11:21 am } · { life in general, random, relationships }
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Or: Why Facebook is making me rethink attending my class reunion next year.

I was happy when Facebook opened it’s doors for everyone to join. By time the site popped up I had already been out of college for about two years and they had deleted my email account, so there was no way for me to sign up and find old classmates (and I was really getting sick of that ripoff, bullshit site classmates.com). But as of late I’ve been going through great pains to avoid Facebook like the plague.

Part of the reason, aside from now having way too many annoying tweens in it’s population, is that an old high school crush has popped up. Initially I was happy to have found him. Aside from crushing on each other, we were also good friends and we hadn’t talked since graduation. No one knew what had happened to him, so naturally I was worried he had fallen victim to the city’s undertow. I greeted him with all the joy that one would an old friend they hadn’t seen in ages. He greeted me with cheap innuendo.

“We need to hook up so we can settle some unfinished business ;) .”

That got an immediate WTF look. There was no way he could have looked at my profile and saw I was married with a kid. But he had. He even acknowledged that I had a kid. Oh, and did I mention that he’s married himself? Yeah. With two kids. Now add to that the fact that he is not cute in the least bit anymore. Ok, the fact that he’s married with kids takes obvious precedence over the fact that he’s not attractive anymore, but still. He was talking a lot of bullshit like he was Ralph Lauren’s newest undies model. I had to question if my Facebook page exuded that sort of desperation that I’d be willing to “hook up” with a married man that I hadn’t seen in nine years just because we crushed back when we were teenagers.

It doesn’t, in case you’re wondering.

He sent me a message the other day. “Hola @ me girl we need to hook up U have a beautiful daughter hola Yup!”

No. He’s not Latino. That’s not hola as in hi, that’s supposed to be “holla”. Yes, he really does type  like that. Damn near 30 and his Facebook and Myspace pages are full of writing just like that. It burns my eyes I tell you. BURNS! And yes, he has, again, acknowledged that I have a daughter. He left out the fact that I’m married.

I wrote back, dryly telling him that I really don’t use Facebook anymore.

wut up I just got ur reply oh ur not on facebook well wut about yspace did u have a chance to add me to ur friend list? Here r the links again just n case u forgot them (edited) U should be able to find me up under one of these. So Y arnt u on facebook that often any more? I would love to see u n person again one of these day’s u know lol. Where do u live now I may just have to “cum” and scoop u up or sum’n. Anyway Hola back when u get this u know where I’m @ =)

*gags and vomits* Do women really fall for this bullshit?  I mean women who aren’t mentally disabled. OK, there’s no way in hell I’d add him to my myspace friends. Why? Because H is on there for one, and two he seems to not care that I am married (he seems not to care that he’s married) so God only knows what bullshit he’d put on my comments for all the world to see. And can we talk about him using “cum” as opposed to “come” like it’s actually clever? Men, take note, that shit is corny. It’s corny and it REEKS of desperation. Does he really think that in nine years I have not moved on from the crush I had on him and that I’d actually be willing  to put my marriage at risk for one night of, most likely, very disappointing sex?

I tell him that I moved from Detroit when I got married back in 2002 (I made a point of stating what year I got married). His reply ignored the fact that I even mentioned being married (hell even former lovers I’ve bumped into on facebook have congratulated me on being married…even if they didn’t mean it, they said it) and repeated his desire for us to meet up for some stupid tryst.

Thing is, I really don’t know how to tell him that a single snowflake has a better chance in Hell than he does trying to get me into bed, without saying that a single snowflake has a better chance in Hell than he does trying to get me into bed. The wrong response will put him on the defensive and he’ll start claiming that he was joking (riiiiiight that’s why he keeps bringing it up *rolls eyes*) and that he wouldn’t put his marriage at risk for me.

I’m not saying I’m hot shit. I’m not. But I’m not so damn ugly (actually I’m not ugly at all thank you) or so desperate (I’m not desperate either) that I’d be willing to just fall for that lameness. He’s bumping up against 30. He’s married with two kids. And yet he has no clue how to approach a grown woman. This is why people need to stop going to clubs to meet people. It’s hard to detect bullshit over those blaring speakers, and so it makes the bullshitter think that what they’re saying is actually clever and cute.

Ah well…*continues to avoid Facebook*

The Most Disturbing Blog I’ve Ever Seen

{ March 31, 2008 @ 1:37 am } · { WTF, blogs, life in general, parenting, sex }
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I do a lot of blog surfing. Especially when I’m bored (which is often). And I’ve stumbled across blogs of almost every sort on almost every topic in nearly every language (thank God for Google Translator and Babel Fish). I’ve read blogs by people who are blatantly racist, sexist, homophobic, morally reprehensible, narrow minded (and not in a benign way), or just plain offensive to anyone who has any sort of morals (even the most lax). I rarely bat an eye. I’ve learned to curb my instinct to rant and rave and berate these people. Fact is they thrive off that sort of attention, so I don’t give it to them.

However, this time, I’m not disgusted. I’m not offended. I’m frightened. Not for myself, but for this blogger.

I was going through WordPress’ tag surfer when my eye fell on a blog that started “I was going to steal condoms today!” Well that was enough to stop me dead. She goes on to talk about how she didn’t get the opportunity to, what she plans to wear for her “hang-date” and how the guy she’s going out with sent her a message on Facebook. Then I looked at her login name: how to lose your virginity in 150 days.

I did a double take. That couldn’t have been what it said. But it did. I went to her blog. There was no way this was real. It couldn’t be. Could it? She was obviously young based on what she had said in the blog that I initially read. Could a young teenage girl really be scheming to lose her virginity in such a crass manner? Previous entries proved my worst fears to be real. She doesn’t have an archive up, so I had to go back through entries one at a time (each time HOPING to find some proof that this was a hoax). My heart sank when I came to her “Welcome” page:

I’m 15 years old, and most likely one of the horniest people you will ever meet. I’m on a quest to lose my virginity before I turn 16 (which is in 151 days from today), meaning I have 150 days left.

“But, NKA, it’s not really your business. This is a matter for her parents to handle.”

Well, yes, but, apparently, her parents are clueless about her plans or this blog wouldn’t have gotten to day 121 (she’s counting down). I have to wonder what sort of conversation this girl’s parents have had with her about sex and sexuality that she thinks this is the appropriate way to lose her virginity. Being homeschooled I’m guessing they gave her the abstinence talk, but not much else.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not stupid. I know teens have sex every damn day, but most don’t document their quest to lose their virginity with the desperation this girl does, and I wonder if this goal of hers is going to cause her to be reckless (we’ve already seen she’s having problems getting condoms [even though you can get them free just by searching "free condoms" on google]). Not only that, but I wonder about where she’s meeting these guys she plans to meet and try to have sex with. Not every 17 year old boy online is a 17 year old boy in real life.

This is why I’m a total advocate of invading your kid’s privacy (to an extent). So long as your modem is working, the whole world is at your door and not all of them give a half a damn about you or your family. In fact, a startling large number of them don’t.

I’m not wholly against homeschooling. I once met a five year old that was homeschooled and knew her times tables (though whether she knew them or had simply memorised them is something I’ll never know). But if you’re going to cut your kid off like that (and it is cutting them off, especially when you’re already “in the middle of nowhere” [her words]), you need to make sure you’re teaching them every last thing they’ll need to know about surviving in the world past the end of their driveway.

Reading her blog you can tell she’s naive, beyond the normal naivety that most 15 year old girls have. She is putting herself in harms way just because she wasn’t taught how to handle her hormones.

Part of me wants to keep an eye on her blog (the part of me that wants to save everyone), but part of me can’t bear to watch this girl put herself at risk.

I dunno…maybe I’ll decide tomorrow. Right now, I have to go kiss my baby girl and pray to God I don’t make whatever mistakes this girls parents made that set her on this road.

Addendum: I don’t blame her parents for what she’s doing. She’s smart enough to know what she’s doing isn’t exactly going to rank high on their list of things they approve of, this is proven by the fact that she goes through great lengths to hide her identity. Therefore she’s smart enough to understand she’s taking a huge risk. But understanding something intellectually and accepting as a truth it are two different things. I’m certain her parents did their absolute level best. That they taught her what they thought she needed to know. Sometimes though, in protecting our kids, we strip them of the weapons necessary to live in this world. And with the best of intentions, we send them into the world, declawed and toothless. Every parent screws up in some aspect of raising a kid (the fact that The Kid isn’t irreversibly traumatised is still amazing to me), it’s a daunting task and we can only do what we feel is right and best and hope to God that it really is.

If anything, her parents have my deepest sympathies. If I could possibly hunt down her parents to alert them, I most certainly would. Without a single moment’s hesitation.