Archive for June, 2008

Losers everywhere, take heart, Chris Kattan married a model

which means you can too!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080630/ap_en_ot/people_chris_kattan

NEW YORK – Chris Kattan, a former cast member of NBC’s “Saturday Night Live,” tied the knot with model Sunshine Tutt in Yosemite Valley, Calif., on Saturday, his publicist, Jill Fritzo, said Monday.

Kattan, 37, appeared on “SNL” from 1996 to 2003. His screen credits include “Corky Romano” and “A Night at the Roxbury.”

The couple became engaged on Christmas Eve 2006.

Book Meme

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they’ve printed. Well let’s see.
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you love.

1 Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien (well the first book)
3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series – JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
6 The Bible (parts of it)
7 Wuthering Heights
8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (many, but not all. plus, having this *and* Hamlet on this list is cheating)
15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch – George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck (this or Of Mice and Men…possibly both I can’t remember)
29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
34 Emma – Jane Austen
35 Persuasion – Jane Austen (maybe i’ve already read it)
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne
41 Animal Farm – George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding
50 Atonement – Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel
52 Dune – Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road – Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding (you couldn’t pay me)
69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
72 Dracula – Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses – James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal – Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession – AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad (gah)
92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94 Watership Down – Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

(hat tip essential Kit)

Flash Back Video – Mr. Wendal Arrested Development

Man I miss music like this. Remember when hip hop was…intelligent?

A sad day indeed…George Carlin dies at 71.

George Carlin has always been something of a hero to me, even though he hated the idea of public figures being heros for not doing anything particularly heroic.

He offended everyone by using common sense. He dissected and disemboweled every aspect of our lives from the most mundane to the spiritual. He spoke truth when no one else would. He didn’t play political games, lambasting Bill Clinton just as much as he has lambasted Dubya (though GWB does provide more comic fodder). He was neither an anarchist nor a fascist. The clarity and sting of his observations made it easy to forget his age.

He died yesterday of heart failure in a Los Angeles hospital. He was to be honored this year with the Mark Twain Prize for 50 years of comedy, joining the ranks of Steve Martin, Whoopi Goldberg and inaugural Twain Prize recipient, and fellow social commentator, the late Richard Pryor. They will award him the prize posthumously with a November 10th tribute. (hat tip)

Given his thoughts on life, death and all that comes after…I have to wonder who got the last laugh. Though I truly believe that all his digs at God and religion were done with a conspiratorial wink and nod to the Higher Power that only those two really understood.

He was an original. All these comedians who want to be “edgy” and controversial are simply poor imitations. So, for your entertainment, the routine that (arguably) launched George Carlin into the national spotlight. Seven Dirty Words

“I love words. I thank you for hearing my words. I want to tell you something about words that I uh, I think is important. I love..as I say, they’re my work, they’re my play, they’re my passion. Words are all we have really.

We have thoughts, but thoughts are fluid. You know, [humming]. And, then we assign a word to a thought, [clicks tongue]. And we’re stuck with that word for that thought. So be careful with words. I like to think, yeah, the same words that hurt can heal. It’s a matter of how you pick them.

There are some people that aren’t into all the words. There are some people who would have you not use certain words. Yeah, there are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven of them that you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to seven. They must really be bad. They’d have to be outrageous, to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you seven. Bad words. That’s what they told us they were, remember? ‘That’s a bad word.’ ‘Awwww.’ There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad Intentions.

And words, you know the seven don’t you? Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits, huh? Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that will infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the war.

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits, wow. Tits doesn’t even belong on the list, you know. It’s such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname. ‘Hey, Tits, come here. Tits, meet Toots, Toots, Tits, Tits, Toots.’ It sounds like a snack doesn’t it? Yes, I know, it is, right. But I don’t mean the sexist snack, I mean, New Nabisco Tits. The new Cheese Tits, and Corn Tits and Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits Onion Tits, Tater Tits, Yeah. Betcha can’t eat just one. That’s true I usually switch off . But I mean that word does not belong on the list.

Actually, none of the words belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I am not completely insensitive to people’s feelings. You know, I can dig why some of those words got on the list…like cocksucker and motherfucker. Those are…those are heavy-weight words. There’s a lot going on there, man. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling. They’re just busy words. There’s a lot of syllables to contend with. And those K’s. Those are aggressive sounds, they jump out at you. CocksuckerMotherfuckerCocksucker. It’s like an assault, on you. So I can dig that.

And we mentioned shit earlier, of course. Two of the other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are Piss and Cunt, which go together of course. But forget about that. A little accidental humor there. Piss and Cunt. The reason Piss and Cunt are on the list is that a long time ago certain ladies said ‘Those are the two I am not going to say. I don’t mind Fuck and Shit, but P and C are out. P and C are out.’ Which led to such stupid sentences as ‘OK, you fuckers, I am going to tinkle now.’

And of course the word Fuck. The word Fuck, I don’t really…well, this is some more accidental humor, but I don’t really want to get into that now. Because I think it takes too long. But I do mean that. I mean, I think the word fuck is an important word. It’s the beginning of life, and, yet it’s a word we use to hurt one other, quite often. And uh, people much wiser than I have said, I’d rather have my son watch a film with two people making love than two people trying to kill one other. And I of course agree. I wish I know who said it first, and I agree with that. But I would like to take it a step further. I would like to substitute the word fuck, for the word kill in all those movie cliches we grew up with. ‘Okay Sheriff, we’re gonna fuck ya now. But we’re gonna fuck ya slow.’ So maybe next year I’ll have a whole fuckin’ rap on that word. I hope so.

Uh, there are two-way words, but those are the seven you can never say on television. Under any circumstances you just can not say them ever, ever ever, not even clinically. You can not weave them in the panel with Doc and Ed and Johnny, I mean it’s just impossible, forget those seven, they’re out.

But, there are some two-way words. There are double-meaning words. Remember the ones your giggled at in sixth grade? ‘And the cock crowed three times.”Hey, the cock the cock crowed three times. It’s in the bible.’ There are some Two-way words, like it’s okay for Curt Gowdy to say ‘Roberto Clemente has two balls on him.’ But he can’t say, ‘I think he hurt his balls on that play Tony, don’t you? He’s holding them. He must have hurt them by God.’ And the other two-way word that goes with that one is prick. It’s okay if it happens to your finger. Yes, you can prick your finger, but don’t finger your prick. No, no.”

Black folks, gather ’round. We need to chat.

Now, before I start let me say, I love the black blogosphere. I really do. Intelligent, witty observations, sitting side by side with insightful commentary dealing with everything from world politics, feminism, religion, all the way down to local happenings. I love it.

However…

Some of ya’ll…you’ve gone off the nut this week. So let’s chat a bit, shall we?

The Obama Father’s Day speech. If it doesn’t pertain you, your father, or the fathering style of your male friends..why be upset? Yes he did it while campaigning for President. Yes it reeks of political game playing. But was it really wrong? Was anything he said actually incorrect?

Not from what I heard.

Though I will say, I hope that, after they’re elected, Michelle Obama does a Mother’s Day speech that goes after Baby Mamas the way Barack went after Baby Daddies. In all honesty, it needs to be done. It’s long over due.

Let’s stop deifying single mothers like they’re infallible. Please. I don’t mean all single mothers. As someone who has friends and relatives who are/were single mothers, I can say for certain there are many who deserve nothing short of sainthood.

However the ones I’m talking about are the Baby Mamas. The ones who make good single mothers cringe. The ones who take their child support payments and use it to get their hair and nails did. The ones whose kids spend more time with Grandma than they do with their own moms; not because she’s out working her ass off, but because she’s out shaking her ass at the club. The ones who lie to Friend of the Court and use their children as pawns to manipulate fathers who, otherwise, would be more than happy to be in their child’s life as more than just a name on a check. The ones who spend more time looking for a man to “take care of” them instead of taking care of their children.

These triflin heffas need to be put in check. Being in ownership of a uterus does not give you the right to reproduce just for the hell of it or to manipulate someone.

Forget about the father for a moment, consider the child in the middle of all this. You bring a life into this world for petty and selfish reasons, lie to it, manipulate it, expose it to a parade of temporary daddies and “uncles” but never to its birth father. Basically you treat this life like an object; like some thing with no thoughts, no feelings, no desires, no wants or needs. Just a thing for you to use, and, if you don’t get your way, use against someone. You take a blessing and twist it into a punishment. But then can’t figure why, for the life of you, men don’t want to stay around your triflin ass. Why they’ll screw you but not marry you.

Yeah, these chicks need to be chin checked. Hard.

I love my single parent sistren and brethren who take care of their kids. Seeing you juggle all those responsibilities and wear all those hats give me hope for this sad excuse we call human kind. I love single fathers who struggle to be more than just a Baby Daddy, especially in the face of a Baby Mama who does everything in her power to make it hard for him to be even that much. It’s heartbreaking to hear stories from men who want to be there for their kids but the mothers block access to them unless they play by their rules.

So I say, whoever the next First Lady will be (please God not Cindy McCain…if she can’t be trusted to not lie about a damn cookie recipe, I don’t think she can be trusted to do anything this important), she needs to do a nationwide address calling out Baby Mamas and demanding reforms in the legal system so that it stops leaning so heavily towards the mother always being the victim of some unscrupulous man’s penis.

Drop a dime, get a grand

The Detroit News ran an article today talking about how Crime Stoppers is seeing a jump in tips due in Michigan due to the steadily falling economy and poor job market.

Sumayyah (read the Cast of Characters page), says it stinks of Orwellianism. Personally, if the only thing standing between me and my lights getting cut off is tipping the cops that it was RayRay up the street who robbed someone at gun point…fuck RayRay. You can say I’m a snitch, you can say I’m a sell out, but you can’t say I’m sitting in the dark.

A grand for a tip on a homicide that leads to an arrest. Forget all the moral stuff. Forget doing your duty as a good citizen of whatever city you live in. It’s a grand for making a phone call. Now, that may not sound like a lot to some folks, but that’s rent, electricity/gas, phone and cable with plenty left over for groceries.

So, once again, fuck RayRay.

And while I’m on the subject of crime and criminals: Black people…cut this shit out

(hat tip The Smoking)

WTF kind of Smurf do you skin for hair like that? More importantly, who the hell lied to her and said it was cute? Blue is not the same as blue-black.  Stop this shit now.

Well…he DID say it.

This hasn’t gotten a ton of airplay on the news, but, yes John McCain called his wife (the one he cheated on his first wife with then turned around and married a month after their divorce was final because she was wealthy and politically powerful) a cunt. Granted she’s a recovering drug addict that stole drugs from her own Volunteer Medical Foundation, was subject to a wrongful termination lawsuit after firing the director of said foundation in order to cover up her addiction, and admitted her addiction only to keep an Arizona newspaper from having a field day with the story. And yes, she stole recipes from Food Network and claimed them as her own (who doesn’t? Well…I don’t…I steal them from cooks.com and claim them as my own, but not in a nationally distributed newspaper or on my husband’s campaign website). But even for ALL that…she doesn’t deserve to be called a cunt. A bitch? Maybe. A husband stealing whore? Not so much…McCain had several extramarital affairs so he was more whore than she was.

And even though she gives me the same creeps I get when I see Laura Bush smile (you know the smile…that vapid one that looks forced and dull and gives her eyes this weird lunatic gleam), she doesn’t deserve to be called a cunt.

Hat tip to Post Bourgie for the video below (NSFW)

Yeah yeah…I know

It’s been forever since I blogged. Sue me. Life has been going on as it always does.  MT and I are (once again) back on speaking terms, so it hasn’t been all bad.

Weird stuff has been happening to me lately. The other day, while leaving the grocery store, this woman who was coming in the door looked at me and said “Oh my gawd! You are sooooo beautiful!” This took me completely by surprise. She wasn’t hitting on me, so get that idea out your head now, she was giving me a genuine compliment. And my only response was a stunned, “Thank you.” as I hurried my way out the door. I didn’t mean to be rude. It just caught me off guard.

At first I thought she was going to get an attitude with me because her daughter walked right in front of my cart (the girl looked about 9) to get to one of those gumball/toy machines and I said, in my auntie voice, “excuse me hon, watch out”. Not everyone appreciates you talking to their kid like they have some sense. She called her daughter back over to her, looked at me, and told me I was beautiful. Now, I happened to be wearing an old, worn out long sleeve tshirt, that used to belong to H before I commandeered it for myself, and a pair of jeans. No make up, nothing remotely “beautiful”. Just something I threw on for a quick trip to the grocery store.

On Saturday I got an IM from that guy I graduated high school with that keeps hitting me with cheap innuendo even though we’re both married. Normally when he IMs me I’m no where near the computer so when I do get the message I don’t bother returning it. Not that I want to talk to him anyway. But this time around I decided to suck it up and respond since I was actually there when he sent the message. The conversation was innocuous enough. The regular “how have you been? what have you been up to?” type questions. Then, out of nowhere he said, “U know ur the first chick that ever came n my mouth I know that way off of subject just a good memorie that poped n my head  sorry if I upset u wit not my intent” (sic)

WTF?

I spent the next five minutes trying to convince him that we never did anything (at least I didn’t think we did..you know I’m sure I’d remember something like that…I didn’t smoke enough weed in college to block out that much memory). He was stunned that I couldn’t remember and I was starting to feel bad. What if I did let him god down on me all those years ago? I mean it was about 10 years ago so I couldn’t really be blamed if I didn’t remember…but he remembered. Or at least he said he did. I still wasn’t sure it happened. I apologised and told him I meant no offense but if it happened, I didn’t remember. After that I had to get off the comp because H needed to use it.

While washing dishes a hazy memory came back. Not completely, but enough that I knew I wasn’t making it up because I felt sorry for him. I think he really did go down on me all those years ago. But, more importantly, I’m certain that I was completely unimpressed by his skills, which would explain why I didn’t remember. He sucked. I suddenly felt even worse now that I remembered why I forgot. How do you tell someone, “You’re right, we did do something, however you weren’t good enough to warrant remembering so I pretty much forgot it as soon as it was over”? What an ego crusher that would be! And while his cheap innuendo is annoying and almost insulting in their insinuations that I’d want to do anything sexual with him while we’re both married with kids, I don’t want to destroy the poor fellows self confidence. I might be mean, but I’m not cruel.

Cops shoot mentally ill man over FEMA trailer

WTF YO?

NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (AP) — A man fatally shot by police after a 10-hour standoff Wednesday had suffered with mental illness for much of his life, and it worsened in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, a family member said.

Eric Minshew, 49, ordered Federal Emergency Management Agency workers to leave his trailer when they arrived for an inspection Tuesday afternoon, according to accounts from police.

Later, police said he fired at them several times and was fatally shot after pointing a handgun at officers who tried to arrest him. No officers were injured.

Rosemarie Brocato, who lives about a block away from the house, said she had told police, “He’s sick. Please don’t shoot him. He needs help.”

The man had moved into the family home about eight years ago, with no money and no job, his brother, Homer M. Minshew III, said Wednesday. He survived the hurricane, but the family was awaiting government aid so they could either pay the house off or fix it up and sell it.

He suffered for years with mental problems that “got a lot worse after the storm,” his brother said. He felt his hopes of inheriting his parents’ home — a place he’d felt a strong connection to — diminish, he said. He owned a gun because he had gotten a job as a security guard, according to his brother.

“He had a lot of serious mental issues and would all of a sudden go off on a rant about the government, the local, state government, the feds and everything else,” he said. “He has some issues. He just snapped. Thank God nobody else got hurt.”

James Arey, commander of the police department’s crisis intervention team, said the man had not been treated and that the case “doesn’t have anything to do with Katrina.” Police did not officially release Minshew’s identity.

The trailer was near the family home on a block that appeared abandoned. Many houses have gone unrepaired since the storm, and have broken windows. Taped to Minshew’s front window were a USA Today front-page article headlined “Do you have a legal right to own a gun?” and a no trespassing sign.

The porch held a wreath, a cross and a plywood sign with “Jesus is my Messiah” in green paint. A car in the driveway had two flat tires.

Brocato said Minshew lived alone after the storm and that his short temper seemed to get worse. He seemed very lonely, she said, often stopping her to talk for a half-hour at a time when she passed his house.

“He just needed someone to talk to, I guess. I felt sorry for him,” she said.

The FEMA inspection was a first step toward reclaiming the trailer. The federal agency has been pushing to get residents out of trailers across the Gulf Coast, in part because possibly dangerous levels of the chemical formaldehyde have been found in many of them.

FEMA spokesman James McIntyre said the agency cannot release any specifics about the case, such as when the man got the trailer or whether anyone else lived there with him. The officers involved in the shooting have been reassigned to administrative duties during the investigation, said Officer Garry Flot, a police spokesman.

“This is a very unfortunate situation and our prayers go out to the family of the deceased,” he said.

Lakeview, one of the city’s more affluent neighborhoods, was under as much as 11 feet of water after the levee on the nearby 17th Street Canal broke during Katrina on August 29, 2005.

While it has been one of the fastest to recover, it is not without scars from the flood. Some trailers were still parked outside homes under renovation, schools and firehouses have been slow to reopen and there are many vacant lots where homes were demolished because of damage suffered during the storm.

——————————–

Because Katrina victims aren’t suffering enough from the neglect of their government, a man who was obviously disturbed before the storm and became more so afterwards needs to get shot over a damn trailer when the government hasn’t done a damn thing to fix his HOUSE?

Oh hell no.

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