Archive for dumb folks

Stories from the Shawarma Shack

This week started with a whimper and ended with a WTF.

Mondays are typically slow. This Monday was no different. I’ll save you the snore fest and sum it up by saying that it was barely worth the gas I spent driving there. Except that this little red haired girl © Charlie Brown showed up and said she was a new hire. Excellent. We need more waitstaff (sort of). Welcome aboard, I’ll show you the basics before R (The Boss’ oldest daughter) gives you your full training. Red tells me her girl-friend had started the day before. Gravy! Now roll the silverware.

Tuesday I had the day off. Which meant I ran around like mad until it was time for me to get The Kid from school. Then I took a nap. I’m so lame.

Wednesday was slow. Except for a girl from a local group that I’m active in showing up to work and discussing her boy toy’s (her words not mine) aversion to food in general and the reason behind it (and there’s a good reason behind it), it was pretty boring (see why I don’t blog about work? Not a damn thing happens).

R comes in and as we’re closing out my shift she starts grumbling about her dad giving her two bisexuals and telling her to train them. I had to stop myself from laughing too loud. My boss’ idea of a qualified employee is young and female. Being bisexual, if he had actually known about it at the time of hiring, would probably have been the cherry on his sundae. I don’t call him a Greasy Rat Bastard for nothing. I laughed and mentioned that Red had said her girlfriend was working here, but I thought that she meant girl-friend, not girlfriend. I asked R how she knew they were bi. She says they told her and that were making out in the parking lot.

*pause*

Making out? Neither of them drive, so that means they were standing in full view of everyone driving past.

Now let me state now, I have absolutely no issue with anyone being anything other than straight. Do what makes you happy. However, I do have a problem with people getting happy at work. It’s just not professional. We may not be Tavern On The Green but you don’t make out standing in the middle of the parking lot of the job you just got. It’s just not kosher. Plus, not all of our customers really appreciate girl-girl action. Ann Arbor might be a major liberal city, but there are still enough McCain/Palin signs around to remind you that conservatives still exist within city limits.

Thursday, I came in late and pissed off. Very pissed off. The Man drove me to work so he could run some errands during the day. Apparently, if I tell him at 1015 that I want to leave in 5 minutes, that means I want to leave at 1030, which is the time that I’m supposed to BE at work. It started slow, mostly take out orders, which is pretty normal since we open around the beginning of people’s lunch. My cook, Mo, was on his cell phone for most the day, yakking away, loud as hell, in Arabic. Which meant anytime there was a lull in orders he’d go out back to talk more, which meant I had to go find his ass so people wouldn’t be waiting forever for their food.

Around 3 I had a rush. 10 people came in pretty much at the same time. Completely unexpected, though not wholly unwelcome (except the chick who stiffed me. She’s unwelcome). Near the end of my shift, before R came in, Red’s girlfriend calls, “I won’t be able to keep working there. I’m exhausted and I keep working like this I won’t be able to get my school work done.”

*pause*

That has to be the lamest fucking excuse to quit ever. She’s exhausted? She worked TWICE since being hired. That’s it. Two days. That’s her whole damn training period. But she’s exhausted? She had someone working with her so she wasn’t being swamped with customers. But she’s exhausted. GTFOOHWTBS.

I wake up at 645 (though I don’t actually get out of bed until 700), get The Kid clean, dressed, and off to school (she eats breakfast there). Then I go to work where I run around (or stand around) for 6.5 hours dealing with an idiot boss and customers who seem to enjoy annoying the hell out of me with their stupid petty requests for shit that doesn’t even come with their order. Come home, make dinner, take care of The Kid, check her school assignments, praise her for the work she’s done (and let’s not go into what I have to go through when she’s sick), make sure The Man has what he needs for work, deal with email, messages, blogs and I don’t get to actually wind down until after 10pm. If The Man works a midnight shift, I stay up until he leaves (1145pm), then I’m still up chatting with friends that I haven’t had a chance to actually talk to all day because I was busy. Then it’s bedtime and up at 645 to do it all over again.

But she’s exhausted.

Kiss. My. Ass.

Her shift was 5.5 hours. That’s it. You don’t even get a damn lunch break unless you work 8. She worked a grand total of 11 hours this week. But she’s exhausted.

I told R when she came in, one of my regular customers was at the counter when I told her. He works full time and goes to school full time. He laughed and said she needed to get over it. R is a high school student, oldest of four kids (which means she basically does the parenting when The Boss isn’t around…The Boss is divorced and Mom lives in another state) and works in her dad’s restaurant after school. She just rolled her eyes.

Red quit too. I had a feeling they weren’t going to stay around long. Neither of them had waitressing experience, and neither of them had ever actually been to the restaurant to eat. They just saw a help wanted sign and came in. Red couldn’t identify any of the items we have on the menu except for a few of our salads and hummus. That’s it. Red’s excuse for quitting was that it was too far to walk and she couldn’t afford the bus (her bus fare would have been two dollars every day she worked, plus since she was working night shift, someone could have given her a lift, so it would have been just one). Her and her GF came in to give R a birthday present (Thursday was her birthday), and Red was using a walking stick that was too long for her and hobbling rather dramatically saying that her knee was swelling froma childhood injury and that it hurt to even stand none the less walk.

She applied for a job as a waitress knowing that she was going to be doing a lot of walking and standing. WTF. Another lame ass excuse if you ask me. What fucking waitress SITS? If all we did was sit all day we wouldn’t have to wear ugly, comfortable shoes. We could wear the cute, but highly uncomfortable ones designed for women who don’t do a lot of walking.

So we’re down two waitresses who probably would have sucked as waitresses anyway. They’ll go get jobs at the mall or something now. Good riddance.

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Reasons to fear the fact that the fate of our world will be in the hands of today’s kids

Going through my RSS reader’s “recommended feeds” I came across one titled “Computer Class”. Now, I thought this was a clever title that meant something other than the obvious…no. It means just what it says. She’s blogging while in Computer class.

I saw a post stating that Wayne state university wasn’t the school for her…so I checked her profile and came across this little nugget of genius:

Why does the color blue mean raspberry-flavored?

It means blue because, berrys are blue.

*blinks, too stunned to say anything*

She’s 14 and wants to be an OB/GYN when she grows up. Dear God what I wouldn’t give to be a man in 15 years if just to avoid the chance of some how having her as my doctor.

Food blog and Daily Show hilarity

Well I finished setting up my food blog, A Dollar Out Of Fifteen Cents. No entries just yet, but soon come…soon come.

My sister told me Sunday about Comedy Centrals The Daily Show ripping on the Kwame Kilpatrick sex scandal. I haven’t mentioned anything about it lately because I simply don’t have the time to blog every four hours when some new fact comes out about this atrocity. I’m not exaggerating. Every time I open my RSS reader there is some new bit of news about this mess and, honestly, I’m sick of it. The City Counsel voted five to four to oust this bastard and yet…he’s still there. And now there are recall petitions up to remove the five members who voted for his ouster.

WTF?!?

Detroiters, have you lost your fuckings MINDS? What the hell is wrong with you people?

Anyway…The Daily Show…

You gotta see this to believe it.

News From the WTF Files

this sort of speaks for itself

SAGINAW — A 21-year-old who tried to pass off pancake mix as cocaine has been found guilty in the deaths of two men.

Matthew T. Deshone was found guilty of first-degree murder and firearms-related charges in the November 2005 deaths of Demario K. Sherman and Franscoir D. Shepherd, both of Saginaw.

Prosecutors said Deshone and an associate, 25-year-old Joseph Villarreal, had gone to Sherman’s apartment to sell him an ounce of the dry pancake mix. The Saginaw News says Sherman made a sudden move and a skittish Deshone shot him.

Saginaw television station WNEM says Deshone later shot and killed Shepherd, who had overheard him discussing the failed deal.

Defense attorney James Piazza argued that Deshone witnessed both slayings but that the men were killed by Deshone’s friend Freddie Williams, who himself was shot dead in July 2006.

Deshone will be sentenced to life in prison May 8. Villarreal pleaded guilty to two counts of second-degree murder and will be sentenced April 24.

No. For real. You gotta have absolutely NO respect for someone’s intelligence to think they’d believe pancake mix was coke. I’ve never personally seen, or touched cocaine in my life, but I sure as hell know Bisquick when I see it.

EDIT!

This one…this is some face-palm type stuff. I’m glad H doesn’t battle anymore.

DETROIT — Police are looking for a Westland man who killed a rapper this week after taking offense to something said during a rap contest.

The incident happened Monday in a home located in the 180000 block of Bradford on the city’s east side. Police say there was a rap battle, in which participants come up with insulting rhymes aimed at their competitors.

Police say 28-year-old Antoine Tramble became angry at something a 27-year-old rapper said, so he left the home and then returned with a gun. Tramble opened fire, killing the man, police said. The victim’s name has not been released.

Tramble then fled the home and escaped in a blue conversion van, investigators said.

Anyone with information is being asked to contact Detroit Police Homicide at (313) 596-2260; or the anonymous Crime Stoppers hot line at (800) SPEAK-UP.

Kwame is in good company

Ah men. When will you ever learn? When you’re married, especially if you’re in a position of power, stop thinking with the little head and start thinking with the big one (that would be the one on your shoulders for those of you who are delusional enough to actually believe that you’re that impressive…you’re not).

So right along with Spitzer, and that pastor who drove across three states to hit a titty bar, The (dis)Honorable Mayor of Detroit finds himself with more compatriots on the “couldn’t keep it in my pants” wagon.

I opened up my RSS reader this morning to find out that Democratic Michigan Senator Debbie Stabenow’s husband got caught up in a prostitution ring. Granted, his crime wasn’t nearly as impressive as Spitzers. He laid down a measly $150 for oral sex from a 20 year old at a local Residence Inn. Once again, a man got caught up responding to a Craigslist ad offering sex.

Now…why does this sound so familiar…hmmm…

OH! That’s right! A cop was busted for hiring a prostitute over Craigslist just two months ago. Men. Learn from this. STOP CRUISING FOR SEX ON CRAIGSLIST! THEY’RE ALL COPS!

“But, NKA,” you say, “that’s not the same as sending text messages to your lover, then firing a respected police officer, killing a stripper and committing perjury to cover it up.”

And you’re right. But Kwam-ster is hardly alone in his two-way trysts. Oh no no! And it’s not just American men who are too stupid to do these sorts of things discreetly either. Nope. The Finnish suck at it too. And just like Kwame, he refuses to resign over the incident. See, idiocy is international.

McCain Girls mad that they’re getting mocked

You have to have seen it. The McCain Girl’s video has been spread through the internet like a plague. A plague that makes your ears bleed. A plague that makes gouging your eyes with a grapefruit spoon seem like a really, really good idea.

However, if you have been one of the fortunate few who have (mercifully) missed this video, I offer you the chance to make up for that by viewing it now. I suggest you remove small children and people with heart conditions from the room before hitting play.

Now that you’ve thoroughly lost your appetite for the next week or so, let’s talk about the response to this video.

You know, this is the internet, and on the internet, the only truly appropriate responses to this sort of thing are mockery and snarkiness. Oh sure, there were some mean spirited comments. But you have to admit, the video leaves itself open for it. First is the big scary black chick that is trying entirely too hard. Then there’s the old lady who thought wearing a green shirt in front of a green screen was a good idea. And lastly the “sexy young girl” who lip synced the entire time. Poorly.

Now, even the Obama/Guliani girls got a bit of jabbing their way and they were attractive and the girl singing for them could, well, sing. So certainly this messy hodge podge knew to expect some ribbing for their off key, poorly produced bit of schlock.  But, apparently, they didn’t. At least that’s the vibe I get from the black chick’s video response stating that she doesn’t care about people’s opinions (which, is kind of ironic because she’s responding to people’s opinions in a manner that shows that she’s obviously irritated…so…it kinda seems like she does care…but maybe that’s just my logic).

See? Doesn’t that just scream “Your responses bothered me”? I can’t be the only one who gets that vibe.

And she says there’s more to come. Which means that she’s ready to be ridiculed more. Good for her, I say. That’s the spirit. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and all that good stuff. Plus it’ll give me something to laugh at when I’m feeling a bit down. :p

News Straight from the WTF files

You really can’t make stuff like this up.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23858783/

RIVERSIDE, Ohio – Police say a pastor who was reported missing from his home in western New York has been found at an Ohio strip club.
A police officer patrolling the K.C. Lounge parking lot Friday morning in the Dayton suburb of Riverside spotted out-of-state license plates on 46-year-old Craig Rhodenizer’s car.
The FBI and New York authorities had been searching for Rhodenizer, who disappeared Wednesday after telling his wife he was getting his computer fixed at Best Buy. He is the pastor of a church in Lyndonville, N.Y.
Detective Matt Sturgeon said Rhodenizer was disoriented when confronted by police and said he felt “emotionally guilty.”

————————-

*cough*hypocrite*cough*

“emotionally guilty”. Not spiritually guilty, or morally guilty. Emotionally guilty.

This dude went to get his “computer fixed” in NY and ended up in a strip club in Ohio; days later no less. You can’t even claim to have been lost and asking for directions.  You’re not just in a whole other state, you’re in a whole other state about 9 hours away. What was he doing all that time? He couldn’t have been in that club all that time. Could he?

Man, I can only imagine what Sunday’s sermon is gonna sound like.

Kwame gets indicted on 12 counts of perjury

I have to admit, I didn’t think Pros. Kym Worthy was going to do it. But she did. And damn if I ain’t glad. This, my friends, is one fine example of hubris. Take note.

Mike Wilkinson / The Detroit News

DETROIT — Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy has filed 12 charges against Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and his former Chief of Staff Christine Beatty, accusing the mayor of perjury and both of conspiracy to obstruct justice, obstruction of justice and misconduct in office, among other charges in connection with the text-message scandal.

“Our investigation has clearly shown that public dollars were used, peoples lives were ruined, the justice system was severely mocked and the public trust trampled on,” Worthy said. “This is as far from being a private matter as one can get.”

The announcement could take the text-message scandal, once relegated to civil court and accusations of privacy and freedom of the press, into a criminal matter that could send the mayor and Beatty to prison. A perjury conviction can bring a prison term of up to 15 years.

The charges alone could only add more pressure to Kilpatrick to step down — something other politicians, business leaders, pastors and the public have suggested for weeks.

Kilpatrick was spotted leaving the city-owned Manoogian Mansion around 10:15 a.m.

Kilpatrick is the first mayor of Detroit to be charged with a crime while in office. Under the city charter, he can only be removed from office if he is convicted of a felony.

Kilpatrick has repeatedly vowed not to resign; Beatty resigned in February and has been looking for work since then.

Worthy’s investigation stemmed from the aftermath of the city’s decision to settle claims made by three former Detroit police officers, two of whom had won a $6.5 million whistle-blower verdict against the city last September after they claimed they were punished for investigating claims against the mayor and his bodyguards.

Former Deputy Chief Gary Brown said he was fired after investigating claims by Harold Nelthrope, an officer who said he feared for his life after he passed on concerns about the mayor’s bodyguards.

After the trial, Mike Stefani, one of the officers’ attorneys, obtained a copy of the text messages sent and received from Beatty’s city-issued SkyTel pager. He had asked for them during the preparation for the trial but did not receive them.

During negotiations over his attorney fees, Stefani told one of Kilpatrick’s city-paid lawyers that he had the messages and was going to tell the trial judge. That information spurred the lawyers to quickly reach a settlement on the case a little over a month after Kilpatrick had vowed to appeal.

As part of that settlement, the officers got a total of $8.4 million and Stefani was required to turn over all copies of the text messages to the mayor’s attorney — and agree never to talk about them.

When the city council approved the settlement, however, it was not told about the text messages or the secret deal meant to hide them from public view.

Then in January, published excerpts of the text messages strongly contradicted Kilpatrick and Beatty’s testimony that they did not have a romantic relationship and did not fire Brown.

WTF?!?

I’m sure most of you have seen this before, but I had to re-post this.

Sally Kern…

Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Roman AND Greek societies openly embrace homosexuality? And didn’t Roman AND Greek societies survive for centuries? Don’t their discoveries, creations, architecture, and inventions (not to mention their politics and art) STILL influence the way we live in this day and age? What the hell kind of history books has she been reading?

And Islam is a threat to the US? Islam?!? For real? You mean to tell me an entire religion where most of it’s adherents are too poor to leave their country of origin, none the less travel around the world is a threat to the most powerful (militarily) country in the world? Muslims have been living in the US for decades now, and they’re just now becoming a threat? I wonder if Muslims pose the same threat to the US that Jews posed to Germany back in the early days of Hitler’s rule post WWI. Or maybe they’re the kind of threat that Blacks were to Whites after slavery was abolished. Or Japanese-Americans were during WWII…Noticing a pattern?

Anyway, here’s this bigoted bitch’s tirade against Gays (and, in some part, Muslims).

The Relationship Between Good Hygene and a Long Life

BEIJING (Reuters) – A Chinese bride burned her new husband to death after he got into bed after a drunken argument without washing his feet, state media reported on Wednesday.

“Wang and his wife, Luo, were married on February 2. The couple, however, frequently fought over trivial things while still on their honeymoon,” the official Xinhua news agency quoted a local newspaper as saying.

The couple, from the central province of Hubei, had another fight on the night of March 4, “and in frustration they together drank a bottle of liquor to ease their anger.”

“At about 10 p.m., Luo watched her husband get into bed without cleaning or washing his feet. In a fit of anger and intoxication, she set fire to the sheet he was sleeping in,” the report said.

“When he awoke, the two began fighting before a very drunk Wang collapsed. As fire engulfed the bedroom. Luo escaped to the living room, leaving her other half to burn,” it added.

The woman has been arrested, Xinhua said.

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