Archive for random

Protected?

Ok, here’s the thing. Thanks to the growing popularity of Twitter, this blog has come to the attention of a few people that know me and The Man personally. And fact is, there is some things they just don’t need to know about me. I’m trying to decide what to do about that.

In the mean time if you want to read a protected post you’ll have to email me for the password csverdad (at) gmail (daht) com. Be warned, just because you email and ask for it doesn’t mean you’ll get it.

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Economic crisis? What economic crisis?

I listen to NPR a lot, especially at work. So I hear about all the stuff going down on Wall Street all day. And, if I may be so blunt, who really gives a fuck?

Fact is, I’ve been broke. Most of my life has been spent in an economic crisis. It’s called Detroit. Man up bitches.

These rich folks stressing out about stocks? Try stressing out about keeping your fridge stocked with something other than potpies.

These suburbanites are finding it harder to shop at Banana Republic? And? My ass finds it hard to shop at Old Navy. Now what?

Whole Foods? What’s that? I expect that when I buy food-unless it’s frozen, canned, or meat-it’s going to be whole. I don’t buy apples with sections cut out of them. I don’t buy a half a carrot. All my food is whole. GTFOOH.

You want a solution to higher gas costs? Move the hell out the burbs, closer to your job and take the damn bus. One dollar gets you a ride and a transfer and you’ll get where you need to go. Bus not reliable? Get a bike. Nuff said.

All I’m saying is that, right now, broke folks could make a killing “coaching” rich people how to be broke (they have life coaches, SAT coaches, interviewing coaches, and coaches for everything else, why the hell not a brokeness coach?).

Broke people, the tables are a-turnin. Don’t miss out on this opportunity. We’ll teach them the difference between the designer consignment shop and the salvation army. Sav-A-Lot/Aldi’s will have their own training section. We’ll have to teach them the art of making their own damn coffee. There will be sections called

  • “No, you don’t need the new Apple i-whatever. The one you bought 4 months ago still works just fine.”
  • “$500 jeans look exactly the same as $20 jeans and you don’t sound as stupid when you tell people how much you spent on them.”

And,

  • “Your Hummer is a waste of money and a clear indication about the size of your penis, now get your ass a Honda and stop being an insecure pussy.”
  • “Don’t throw away that chicken grease! You can use it at least two more times.”

Yep, broke people, it’s our time to shine.

NKA4MT and Religion: a simple breakdown

Let me start by saying this: I respect your right to believe whatever you want to believe. If you want to believe there is no God or if you want to believe there are a hundred Gods, that’s fine by me. Why? Because it’s your life, not mine.

Now here is where I become a completely intolerant bitch: When you decide that I need to believe what you believe.

If you recall, I got a tad pissed off last week when someone decided that it was her duty to tell me how to raise my child. This person responded to a post in the local freecycle group (freecycle, btw, pwns craigslist when it comes to getting stuff you need, and crap you really don’t need but want anyway, for free) where I asked to borrow someone’s cake pans to make a cake for my daughter’s birthday. Her response was to basically tell me that I shouldn’t make a cake for my daughter just because it was her birthday (honestly, I wasn’t making it because it was her birthday, I was making it because she’s been asking since about May to have a red cake with chocolate icing and chocolate strawberries and red candles on top -we skipped the chocolate strawberries and I couldn’t find red candles so she got a number 5 candle instead and didn’t complain one bit). I nearly bled to death biting my tongue so as not to tell this woman where to shove her “example of our Lord, Jesus Christ”.

So let me break it down for folks: I’m not Christian. Do I have a faith and/or belief system? Yes. What is it? None of your damn business. Why is it none of your damn business? Because it’s my blog and I said so and of you don’t like it then you can just sod off. But, most importantly, I don’t talk about my faith because I don’t want people using me as an example of what such-and-such people are “really like”, nor do I want people making judgments on my fellow coreligionists based on what I say. My thoughts are my own, and while, yes, some of what I say may be a bit tinged with what I believe, for the most part I don’t used my faith to base my opinions on.

Was I ever a christian? Yes. I did quite a bit of sampling at the spiritual buffet table. When I was born I was baptised Unitarian. Of course I didn’t know this until I was about 13, and by then I had been Catholic for three years. However my reasons for being Catholic were decidedly less than spiritual. Keep in mind that I was ten when I made the decision, my priorities were not my eternal soul. I chose catholicism for that sip of (really bad) wine every sunday, and so I could be an alter server and go to Cedar Pointe every summer. See, that’s a 10 year old’s priorities. Imbibing things that are considered forbidden to us, and amusment parks.

In high school I took a more non-denominational turn when it came to christianity. A friend took me to her church’s youth night (a church I think is more like a cult considering how often the words “Pastor Butler said” comes out of the mouths of it’s parishoners and how they know more about the life of the Butler family than they do about the life of Jesus).

After high school (and quite a few VERY disappointing encounters with churches of varying denominations), I became more or less agnostic. I went to catholic church on easter and christmas, but that was like going to my grandparents house on those days: it was just something we did.

A very scary incident put me on the road to my current faith. If you know this story, then you me and you know what my faith is. If you don’t already know this story (or at least part of it), then chances are you’ll never really know. Suffice it to say, I’m not Christian.

That said, I hereby give fair warning: If you come on to my blog attempting to preach to me, I’ll cuss you out. Or delete your reply. Depends on how I feel that day. There is no free speech on my blog. You have no rights on my blog. This is a totalitarian dictatorship. China’s got nothing on me. NKA4M and ADOO15C are mine to do with whatever the hell I please so long as I don’t violate wordpress’s TOS. And, guess what, deleting your reply, TOTALLY within the bounds of TOS.

Oh, and, I delete links and URLs posted in replies. That pretty much goes for everyone. Don’t use my page to advertise your shit. If the link is in your name, it stays. If its in the reply, it gets deleted. Sorry, thems the breaks.

Get the fuck out of here with this bullshit!

Tomorrow is The Kid’s 5th birthday and she told me weeks ago that she wanted to have a red cake with chocolate icing. I can do that. No problem. Except I don’t have a cake pan (I lent it to someone who moved). And I just found that bit of information out today. And I’m broke. So I shoot a message to the two local Free-Cycle groups asking to borrow cake pans.

No response, I can deal with. But this? This is too damn much

if i may make a suggestion………..if we give gifts throughout the year ….then we would be following our perfect model……Jesus …..because he talked about the traditions and doctrins of this system which are created be man and not by God himself………the question is: would you rather be doing things that come from your heart on any given day or by some one telling you…. it’s ony authorized on a certain day, the Bible tells us “A name is better than good oil, and the day of death than the day of one’s being born ” Ecclesiastes 7:1…..that’s why we don’t know the true birth day of Jesus because he said that was not important to one’s life………but what is……..what type of name did we make with God……..this wasn’t meant to offend you and if that is what you thought…….i’m truly sorry……..it was just a friendly suggestion to look real close at your Bible and see if you see the same thing……..do have a blessed day……vrsp kandi

Now, my knee jerk reaction was “Bitch, who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? You don’t know one damn thing about me and you presume to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do for my daughter on her birthday. Kiss the length and width of my ass.”

But I didn’t. I was a good girl.

1. I’m not Christian. My religion, or lack thereof, is not your business.
2. I just want to make a cake for my daughter. That’s all.
3. You have no idea what I do for my family on a day to day basis. So
you can keep all your self-righteous preaching. Until you LIVE my
life, you don’t COMMENT on it.

That was as civil as I could have gotten under the circumstances. I just wanted to make my kid a cake and you want to preach to me about Jesus? Yeah. No.

I know she said she didn’t mean for it to be offensive, but I find it VERY offensive. You know nothing about me, or my life and you want to tell me how to live it? Hell no.  Hell no and kiss my ass, fuck you very much.

Sorry for all the cussing but you have no idea how much stuff like this irks me. I asked to borrow a cake pan not for a fucking sunday school lesson.

And now for something completely different…

Are you right brained or left? Can you switch back and forth or is it pretty set in stone?

Skra linked me to this article from the Australian Hearld Sun website. I can’t say for certain that this is actually scientifically legit…but hell, this is the internet…since when do you have to have sound proof to actually say something on the internet?

Here’s the deal: watch the image, does the “dancer” go clockwise, or counter(anti) clockwise? Can you make her switch directions?

This is what the Herald Sun says

THE Right Brain vs Left Brain test … do you see the dancer turning clockwise or anti-clockwise?

If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa.

Most of us would see the dancer turning anti-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
“big picture” oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can “get it” (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

Me personally…at first glance she goes clockwise, but I am able to make her switch directions (I’m not telling how…you have to figure that out for yourself.

And while I acknowledge this whole thing could be a massive load…it’s still fun!

(btw…kudos to you if you know where the title of this post is from without googling it)

Mars Phoenix Rover makes science depressing

So I was looking through my latest Tweets on Twitterfox when I came across an entry for NASA’s Phoenix Rover (yes, I’m a nerd; know why I signed up for second life? SCIENCE FRIDAY DOES A LIVE SIMUCAST THERE AND YOU CAN ASK QUESTIONS TO THE GUESTS!) that sounded like a complete downer. There’s a point in every year when Earth and Mars are on opposite sides of the sun, which means we’re a long flipping ways away from each other.

Now the reason that these Tweets from a robot seem like a downer is because those geniuses at NASA gave it a great personality (of sorts). This is a extra-planetary rover that you’d like to call your buddy. Until he hits you with the news that he only has a few more months to live.

Not sure how long I’ll last before I succumb to CO2 ice. September? October? Time will tell. Lots of work to do before then.

That entry was followed up with this one

In November, even if still alive, I’ll lose contact with Earth due to Solar Conjunction–when Earth and Mars are on opposite sides of Sun.

even if still alive” Oh dear God! Not functioning, not active, alive. If NASA isn’t careful people are going to start developing ideas that these robots are living things and deserve the same rights as humans and then all space and scientific exploration goes down the crapper. Hell, I’m developing something along the lines of feelings for this bloody machine. Who ever is updating their Twitter page is way too good and humanising the rover.

Then….THEN it hits you with the most optimistic, chin-up, stiff upper lip, the-show-must-go-on type message which, I have to say, sounds like it’s straight out of a movie (and if it’s not, would be a really great line in one…Wall-E 2 anyone?)

Knew about the freezing going in. It’s the only way to reach and study the ice. And I was the first touch it! No regrets.

NO REGRETS! Well, for one a machine doesn’t have regrets anyway but going beyond all that….don’t you just want to hug the damn thing now? Hug it and say “Oh my gawd…you’re so brave. That’s right you keep right on testing that soil and you prove you’re the best damn soil tester NASA every sent into space.” all the while sobbing because you know that in the end, the inevitable will occur.

NASA is turning awesome scifi movie fodder into a chick flick. A chick flick with robots, but a chick flick none the less.

I bet LIfetime is going to pick up this story and find some way to make all the men involved evil. Delta Burke will star as the Phoenix Rover, of course.

Losers everywhere, take heart, Chris Kattan married a model

which means you can too!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080630/ap_en_ot/people_chris_kattan

NEW YORK – Chris Kattan, a former cast member of NBC’s “Saturday Night Live,” tied the knot with model Sunshine Tutt in Yosemite Valley, Calif., on Saturday, his publicist, Jill Fritzo, said Monday.

Kattan, 37, appeared on “SNL” from 1996 to 2003. His screen credits include “Corky Romano” and “A Night at the Roxbury.”

The couple became engaged on Christmas Eve 2006.

Book Meme

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they’ve printed. Well let’s see.
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you love.

1 Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien (well the first book)
3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series – JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
6 The Bible (parts of it)
7 Wuthering Heights
8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (many, but not all. plus, having this *and* Hamlet on this list is cheating)
15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch – George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck (this or Of Mice and Men…possibly both I can’t remember)
29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
34 Emma – Jane Austen
35 Persuasion – Jane Austen (maybe i’ve already read it)
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne
41 Animal Farm – George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding
50 Atonement – Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel
52 Dune – Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road – Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding (you couldn’t pay me)
69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
72 Dracula – Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses – James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal – Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession – AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad (gah)
92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94 Watership Down – Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

(hat tip essential Kit)

Flash Back Video – Mr. Wendal Arrested Development

Man I miss music like this. Remember when hip hop was…intelligent?

Yeah yeah…I know

It’s been forever since I blogged. Sue me. Life has been going on as it always does.  MT and I are (once again) back on speaking terms, so it hasn’t been all bad.

Weird stuff has been happening to me lately. The other day, while leaving the grocery store, this woman who was coming in the door looked at me and said “Oh my gawd! You are sooooo beautiful!” This took me completely by surprise. She wasn’t hitting on me, so get that idea out your head now, she was giving me a genuine compliment. And my only response was a stunned, “Thank you.” as I hurried my way out the door. I didn’t mean to be rude. It just caught me off guard.

At first I thought she was going to get an attitude with me because her daughter walked right in front of my cart (the girl looked about 9) to get to one of those gumball/toy machines and I said, in my auntie voice, “excuse me hon, watch out”. Not everyone appreciates you talking to their kid like they have some sense. She called her daughter back over to her, looked at me, and told me I was beautiful. Now, I happened to be wearing an old, worn out long sleeve tshirt, that used to belong to H before I commandeered it for myself, and a pair of jeans. No make up, nothing remotely “beautiful”. Just something I threw on for a quick trip to the grocery store.

On Saturday I got an IM from that guy I graduated high school with that keeps hitting me with cheap innuendo even though we’re both married. Normally when he IMs me I’m no where near the computer so when I do get the message I don’t bother returning it. Not that I want to talk to him anyway. But this time around I decided to suck it up and respond since I was actually there when he sent the message. The conversation was innocuous enough. The regular “how have you been? what have you been up to?” type questions. Then, out of nowhere he said, “U know ur the first chick that ever came n my mouth I know that way off of subject just a good memorie that poped n my head  sorry if I upset u wit not my intent” (sic)

WTF?

I spent the next five minutes trying to convince him that we never did anything (at least I didn’t think we did..you know I’m sure I’d remember something like that…I didn’t smoke enough weed in college to block out that much memory). He was stunned that I couldn’t remember and I was starting to feel bad. What if I did let him god down on me all those years ago? I mean it was about 10 years ago so I couldn’t really be blamed if I didn’t remember…but he remembered. Or at least he said he did. I still wasn’t sure it happened. I apologised and told him I meant no offense but if it happened, I didn’t remember. After that I had to get off the comp because H needed to use it.

While washing dishes a hazy memory came back. Not completely, but enough that I knew I wasn’t making it up because I felt sorry for him. I think he really did go down on me all those years ago. But, more importantly, I’m certain that I was completely unimpressed by his skills, which would explain why I didn’t remember. He sucked. I suddenly felt even worse now that I remembered why I forgot. How do you tell someone, “You’re right, we did do something, however you weren’t good enough to warrant remembering so I pretty much forgot it as soon as it was over”? What an ego crusher that would be! And while his cheap innuendo is annoying and almost insulting in their insinuations that I’d want to do anything sexual with him while we’re both married with kids, I don’t want to destroy the poor fellows self confidence. I might be mean, but I’m not cruel.

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