Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

NPR/BBC withdrawl and other random tidbits

At home we don’t have cable tv. This is because, for the most part, we don’t really watch tv. Oh we havea tv, plus a dvd and a VCR(the link is there for those of you too young to remember when everything was on VHS and there was no such think as YouTube…oh hell, if you belong to that age group, get the hell out of my blog…darn whippersnappers), but those are mostly so that The Kid can watch PowerPuff Girls(she’s Blossom and I’m Buttercup, H goes back and forth between being Professor Utonium and Mojo Jojo) and Backyardigans over and over and over and over and…while I get some work done. This means I get almost all my information and entertainment online and through the radio.

As much as I love my RSS feeds…I can’t say they hold a candle to my local NPR station(which plays BBC world service all night long *le sigh*), and it just so happens that this week is fundraising week (well until later on today) which means every five to ten minutes my favorite shows get interrupted so the employees of said NPR station can beg for money. But I sit through it, mostly because I feel it’s my penance for being too broke to get that damned totebag for a $150 pledge, but also because it’s my main source of news. So much so that, this entire week at my sister’s house, I felt completely disconnected from the rest of the world until I remembered that she has CNN on her satellite. I just happened to catch The Situation Room as they followed the Olympic Torch around San Francisco for over an hour….talk about a damn slow news day.

My sister speaks spanish fluently (which is helpful because her husband is a citizen of Spain that was born in the Dominican Republic), so she watches Novelas on TeleMundo and Univision. Which means I watch Novelas on TeleMundo and Univision because she works from home (lucky). I’ve gotten sort of addicted to them. Unlike US soap operas, Novelas don’t go on forever and ever. They have a distinct start and end point. This means that you can see an actor/actress from one Novela on a completely different one. They also have Novelas that are targeted towards teens. Like historical fiction? They have Novelas that are set in the Victorian era. I actually sort of like these novelas. I’ve never been a soap opera watcher. I hate them for the most part. Rich, beautiful white folks who make problems for themselves. For some reason I just couldn’t relate to that. Granted a lot of the characters on Novelas are rich and beautiful, but they’re Latino, which means they come in all kinds of shades and colors. And they women are CURVY. Not just big boobs. Thick legs, round bottoms, wide hips.

One of the main characters, the title character in fact, of a Novela called Victoria is a woman in her late 40’s early 50’s who was dumped by her (rich) husband for a younger woman only to find herself as the love interest of a man some 20 years her junior. Played by Victoria Ruffo (the darkhaired one), Victoria is not some super-thin impossible beauty. She is classy, always well dressed, and beautiful. She carries herself wonderfully, and yes, she has a little weight on her, but her character has had three children in the course of a 25 year one would expect her to be some twiggy heffa. She’d be unbelieveable and no one would really relate or even feel bad for her if she were some cut and sucked plastic surgery doll. BTW this is one of my favorite shows.

Now, my sister is bilingual. I, however, am not. This means I get a play by play from her after each scene. Not as good as hearing the real thing, but she gives me the homegirl break down which adds a certain amount of spice to it.

As much as I’m enjoying this semi vacation, I kinda can’t wait to get back home. I miss being able to call things mine. Plus I forgot to grab this turkey pastrami that was on sale at Meijer last week and I really want a pastrami sandwich (turkey pastrami is about $3 cheaper than regular). More over I miss H. I need to be hugged and kissed and all that. The Kid does that…but in a completely different way.

We’re taking this weird turn in our relationship. I guess because we got married fairly young (I was 21 and he was 22), so we’re growing and changing and having to deal with those changes. I’m one of those never-say-die types so come Hell or high water we’re going ride this out.

BTW…Lewis Black, Root of All Evil….Best. Show. Ever.


The Relationship Between Good Hygene and a Long Life

BEIJING (Reuters) – A Chinese bride burned her new husband to death after he got into bed after a drunken argument without washing his feet, state media reported on Wednesday.

“Wang and his wife, Luo, were married on February 2. The couple, however, frequently fought over trivial things while still on their honeymoon,” the official Xinhua news agency quoted a local newspaper as saying.

The couple, from the central province of Hubei, had another fight on the night of March 4, “and in frustration they together drank a bottle of liquor to ease their anger.”

“At about 10 p.m., Luo watched her husband get into bed without cleaning or washing his feet. In a fit of anger and intoxication, she set fire to the sheet he was sleeping in,” the report said.

“When he awoke, the two began fighting before a very drunk Wang collapsed. As fire engulfed the bedroom. Luo escaped to the living room, leaving her other half to burn,” it added.

The woman has been arrested, Xinhua said.

There’s no such thing as “Happily Ever After”

This one isn’t going to win me any friends. I realise this, and I’m ok with it. But, ladies and gentlemen, it is time we woke up from this Disney induced fantasy that somewhere out there is the “perfect relationship”, and it’s just waiting for us to come find it. It isn’t.

Don’t get me wrong, deep down I’m a tried and true romantic. I believe that love at first sight can happen. I believe in soul mates. All that hokey BS that we’re spoon fed from the time we can understand Mother Goose, Brothers Grimm, and Disney I’m all for it. However, I don’t believe there is a such thing as a perfect relationship. Even the best relationships have problems.

Let’s be honest with ourselves. Humans are flawed. That means anything we engage in is flawed, even if it’s in the most minuscule way, regardless of how pure our intentions are. So if we go back to 9th grade algebra and accept that A+B=C, then one flawed human in a relationship with another flawed human, no matter how well matched they are, means that the relationship is going to have its problems. This isn’t a death sentence for relationships, and I’m certainly not advocating inter-specie relationships (ick). We just need to accept that nothing is perfect so we can stop striving for perfection and stressing ourselves out.

Let’s look at our favorite fairy tales. Where do they end? Most often on the wedding day. “Princess So-and-So married her beloved Prince Whoever and they lived happily ever after.” Realistically, life doesn’t stop on the wedding day. It doesn’t stop after the honeymoon, or after you have kids. Nor do we stop growing as people after any of these events. But your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, so what better place to end the story? Why bother looking down the road four years when Princess So-and-So is tired of being cooped up in the castle and Prince Whoever is too busy flirting with the courtiers to notice her misery? And who wants to hear about how irritating of a mother in law Queen Whatsherface is? No. Just end it when everyone but the bad-guys are happy.

Fairy tales and trashy romance novels sell this idea of the perfect relationship. But they don’t exist, and we need to stop pretending they do. Ask anyone who’s been married for 15 or 20 years, marriage is hard. Making it work is even harder. Dealing with two different personalities, who had two different upbringing, and have two different ways of doing things…there’s nothing easy about any of that. Add to that equation that both persons grow and change throughout the relationship. They develop hobbies and interests that don’t always coincide with the other persons. They have friends their other half can’t stand.

But we want perfect. We don’t allow for growth or change. No wiggle room for mistakes to be made. The minute the image of perfect gets the slightest hint of tarnish, that’s it. Towel’s on the mat. Fights over.

If we could get past this, we’d all be a lot happier. And I wouldn’t spend a good portion of my days helping friends (and sometimes near strangers) with their relationship issues. I don’t mean for you to settle with whatever is handed to you. Not at all. Happiness is necessary in any relationship. But happiness can’t be appreciated if there’s nothing to compare it to. However if you’re going to search for happiness in perfection, prepare to be very disappointed.

Everyone has issues and baggage that they drag into their relationships. Some of us heap these things onto our partners (whether they deserve it or not) without consideration of how it affects them. We’re blind to everything except how things affect us. We need to open our collective eyes and see our partners for the flawed humans they are and accept that they will never be anymore perfect than we are (and if you actually believe that you are perfect just as you are, then may I suggest that you live alone, possibly with cats, for the rest of your perfect, miserable life and spare the rest of humanity from having to deal with you).

Flip Cinderella the bird and you’ll find yourself a lot better off for it.