Posts Tagged ‘sex’

The Most Disturbing Blog I’ve Ever Seen

I do a lot of blog surfing. Especially when I’m bored (which is often). And I’ve stumbled across blogs of almost every sort on almost every topic in nearly every language (thank God for Google Translator and Babel Fish). I’ve read blogs by people who are blatantly racist, sexist, homophobic, morally reprehensible, narrow minded (and not in a benign way), or just plain offensive to anyone who has any sort of morals (even the most lax). I rarely bat an eye. I’ve learned to curb my instinct to rant and rave and berate these people. Fact is they thrive off that sort of attention, so I don’t give it to them.

However, this time, I’m not disgusted. I’m not offended. I’m frightened. Not for myself, but for this blogger.

I was going through WordPress’ tag surfer when my eye fell on a blog that started “I was going to steal condoms today!” Well that was enough to stop me dead. She goes on to talk about how she didn’t get the opportunity to, what she plans to wear for her “hang-date” and how the guy she’s going out with sent her a message on Facebook. Then I looked at her login name: how to lose your virginity in 150 days.

I did a double take. That couldn’t have been what it said. But it did. I went to her blog. There was no way this was real. It couldn’t be. Could it? She was obviously young based on what she had said in the blog that I initially read. Could a young teenage girl really be scheming to lose her virginity in such a crass manner? Previous entries proved my worst fears to be real. She doesn’t have an archive up, so I had to go back through entries one at a time (each time HOPING to find some proof that this was a hoax). My heart sank when I came to her “Welcome” page:

I’m 15 years old, and most likely one of the horniest people you will ever meet. I’m on a quest to lose my virginity before I turn 16 (which is in 151 days from today), meaning I have 150 days left.

“But, NKA, it’s not really your business. This is a matter for her parents to handle.”

Well, yes, but, apparently, her parents are clueless about her plans or this blog wouldn’t have gotten to day 121 (she’s counting down). I have to wonder what sort of conversation this girl’s parents have had with her about sex and sexuality that she thinks this is the appropriate way to lose her virginity. Being homeschooled I’m guessing they gave her the abstinence talk, but not much else.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not stupid. I know teens have sex every damn day, but most don’t document their quest to lose their virginity with the desperation this girl does, and I wonder if this goal of hers is going to cause her to be reckless (we’ve already seen she’s having problems getting condoms [even though you can get them free just by searching “free condoms” on google]). Not only that, but I wonder about where she’s meeting these guys she plans to meet and try to have sex with. Not every 17 year old boy online is a 17 year old boy in real life.

This is why I’m a total advocate of invading your kid’s privacy (to an extent). So long as your modem is working, the whole world is at your door and not all of them give a half a damn about you or your family. In fact, a startling large number of them don’t.

I’m not wholly against homeschooling. I once met a five year old that was homeschooled and knew her times tables (though whether she knew them or had simply memorised them is something I’ll never know). But if you’re going to cut your kid off like that (and it is cutting them off, especially when you’re already “in the middle of nowhere” [her words]), you need to make sure you’re teaching them every last thing they’ll need to know about surviving in the world past the end of their driveway.

Reading her blog you can tell she’s naive, beyond the normal naivety that most 15 year old girls have. She is putting herself in harms way just because she wasn’t taught how to handle her hormones.

Part of me wants to keep an eye on her blog (the part of me that wants to save everyone), but part of me can’t bear to watch this girl put herself at risk.

I dunno…maybe I’ll decide tomorrow. Right now, I have to go kiss my baby girl and pray to God I don’t make whatever mistakes this girls parents made that set her on this road.

Addendum: I don’t blame her parents for what she’s doing. She’s smart enough to know what she’s doing isn’t exactly going to rank high on their list of things they approve of, this is proven by the fact that she goes through great lengths to hide her identity. Therefore she’s smart enough to understand she’s taking a huge risk. But understanding something intellectually and accepting as a truth it are two different things. I’m certain her parents did their absolute level best. That they taught her what they thought she needed to know. Sometimes though, in protecting our kids, we strip them of the weapons necessary to live in this world. And with the best of intentions, we send them into the world, declawed and toothless. Every parent screws up in some aspect of raising a kid (the fact that The Kid isn’t irreversibly traumatised is still amazing to me), it’s a daunting task and we can only do what we feel is right and best and hope to God that it really is.

If anything, her parents have my deepest sympathies. If I could possibly hunt down her parents to alert them, I most certainly would. Without a single moment’s hesitation.

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Single, sexually active women in Canada screwed (in more ways than one)

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2008/02/06/abnormal-paps-pap-smears-doctors-refusing-canada

While attending a recent event honoring the twentieth anniversary of the all-important Morgentaler decision here in Canada, I came upon some disturbing news: doctors in Canada are denying pap smears to women citing religious objections. You read it right: doctors are using their personal morality to further restrict a women’s right to equal health care. I came across this fact in an essay written by Peggy Cooke, the recent winner of Canadians for Choice’s essay submission contest that answered the question “Why is a pro-choice Canada so important?”

In her essay detailing her experience as an abortion clinic patient escort, she writes, “I have two close friends whose doctors will not even give them pap tests because it goes against the doctor’s religious beliefs.” Peggy lives in New Brunswick, one of the most repressive provinces in terms of reproductive policy. The provincial government continues to violate the Canada Health Act, by requiring women to seek approval from a doctor and a gynecologist in order to access publicly funded abortions. Abortions done at the private Morgentaler clinic are not funded.

I contacted Peggy to learn more about what was going on with the doctors refusing to perform pap smears and she responded by saying that in one case it is actually the doctor’s receptionist who won’t allow her young unmarried friend to make an appointment for a pap smear saying that she is too young and doesn’t need one (she was 19 at the time of the incident). The second instance deals with a couple who are doctors, who run a practice together. Known for their religious and anti-choice beliefs, these doctors will not prescribe contraception. The doctor who refused to perform the pap smear works in the same practice.

So when did a test that is used to screen for disease and cancer suddenly become a procedure which doctors can “object” to do? Am I naïve in thinking that pap smears are a medically necessary part of a women’s yearly physical? I wonder if the same doctors refuse men prostate exams on religious grounds, or does morality only apply to women?

To look for answers, I turned to Patricia LaRue, Executive Director at Canadians for Choice, to see what she could tell me if doctors have the right to refuse ANY procedure that they see as going against their religion. She reminded me that doctors have a “conscience clause,” allowing them to refuse prescriptions for birth control, abortion, and now pap smears. The conscience clause is put in place by the Canadian Medical Association so that physicians are not forced to act in any way that goes against their personal beliefs.

However, doctors are also bound by a Code of Ethics to “inform your patient when your personal values would influence the recommendation or practice of any medical procedure that the patient needs or wants.” In New Brunswick, the doctor shortage means that young unmarried women simply cannot find a doctor who would give them the services that they request, because there are no other doctors to choose from.

Legally, doctors who use the conscience clause are required to give a referral to a doctor that will perform the procedure that they themselves refuse to do. In real life, however, this seldom transpires. Many doctors feel a “conscientious objection” not only to the procedure but to the referral, and do not refer, claiming they can not in good conscience refer a patient for a procedure that they object to. Many women never report these doctors because they are already in a vulnerable position and fear the stigma attached to reporting doctors for refusing sexual and reproductive health procedures.

So it seems that religious objections and morality policing have moved beyond the realm of abortion and contraception, and have moved into regulating the kind of tests that women can access that may in fact save her from cancer. In Canada we pride ourselves on “universal healthcare,” but to access that health care, it seems that you must fit into your doctor’s classification of the “normal.”

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You want to object to doing an integral part of your job? QUIT! Don’t put ME and MY HEALTH at risk because you want to impose YOUR morals on me. I don’t go to a doctor to save my soul anymore than I go to an Priest/Reverend/Rabbi/Imam to check my blood pressure. What I do in my bedroom and with whom ain’t nobodies damn business but MINE.

*flips these docs the bird*

(Thanks to newcherrybomb.com for the heads up, and thanks to feministing.com for dropping a note on them)

Spanking Makes You Kinky

So maybe that explains it…

Doing my morning rounds of RSS feeds, I came across this link in Mistress Matisse‘s blog.

I dunno if I agree though. I can’t say I know anyone who doesn’t have some sort of kink or “perversion”. Also they don’t really explain their definition of “sexual deviancy”. I know folks who think talking dirty during sex would qualify you as a deviant. On the other hand, I know a girl who enjoys being spit on and humiliated during sex (no I mean really humiliated, the less of an actual person she feels like during sex, the better it is for her) and everyone that knows her pretty much agrees that she fits the definition of “sexual deviant” (and these are people who are pretty out in the open with their kinks).

I grew up being spanked (pretty often too, I was a little hellion), and I admit, I have some kinks (nope not gonna list em here), but I don’t think it has anything to do with being spanked as a kid. If anything, I would connect it to the fact that I was just plain rough as a kid. I was a tomboy from the age of 6. Being the only girl in my neighborhood pretty much made sure of that for me. I fought, wrestled, rode bikes, climbed trees and did all the things that most boys did…because that’s all I had to play with. Boys. When a girl my age finally moved into my neighborhood, we played a bit, but she was too girly for my tastes. She wore skirts and kept her hair nicely done. Me, you couldn’t pay me to wear a skirt (except when forced to by the nazis in catholic school…maybe that explains my kinks…). For all that, I was never sexually promiscuous. Yes, I did the normal high school experimentation, but didn’t have actual “sex” until I was 19. Even when I started having sex I was picky about my partners. I had a monogamous relationship for over a year and a half; after that ended I had a series of partners whose numbers remain in the single digits. Then I got married.

That was it for me.

It was the same for my (older) sister. She was spanked too. She was my complete opposite. She was the “golden child” of the family. Very girly. Dated often. But wasn’t promiscuous. I think she actually had fewer partners than I did before she got married (I got married about two years before she did).

On the other hand, we’ve had friends (and family members) who weren’t spanked, but instead were sheltered. Once they got an ounce of freedom, they became the village bike.

Maybe me and my experiences are the exception and not the rule. But, then again, maybe it’s time we stopped being afraid of actually enjoying sex. Hell, even the Catholics stopped promoting the idea that sex for enjoyment (as opposed to strictly for procreative reasons) was bad. Not every position outside of missionary is deviant.

You like being spanked? Fine. You like being tied up? Go for it. You like having clamps put on your nipples and being shocked with low doses of electricity? Erm…well…if that’s your kink and you can find someone to participate with you…why not.

Folks want to tackle the problem of promiscuity and risky sexual behavior in teens, how about we start with what these little brats are watching on TV?